Daddy's Litttle Girl.

"We aren't built to be immortal. But we develop to survive and become stronger"

3 years on and i'm still hurting.
Your father is the strongest man you know and the only guy you can ever truly trust. From experience I vow that after Christmas 2008 I would amend the wounds with my dad, we are still recovering as a family to this very day.


23rd December 2008 - Admitted.

Christmas was on it's way, an exciting time in any household, but taken to the extreme in mine. His illness grew worse, the pain was upsetting to watch, frustrated at my dad for not listening to me. Guilt. Oh how guilty I felt that very day, it looked as if he was going to pass at any time.


25th December 2008 - My father didn't even recognise me.

I missed him so much, within 48 hours his complete looks and personality changed, my dad is my twin so I felt his pain, and I was hurting the most. I can't describe much, it was awful, he looked helpless and trapped, I went away and sobbed.

The strongest man in my life fell down and I couldn't stop it.


Before New Years Eve . . . He smiled. It broke my heart.


Few days later... HDU, life or death came many times for my dad over the three months, I was falling apart, my dear mum tried her upmost best to remain strong for both me and william, I was proud. The wires covered him, monitoring his heart, pumping blood and drugs around his body on test and trial basis, masks to help him breath- his weakness was his own enemy.
But it didnt stop my own pain, it didn't stop that my dad was crippled by illness, I just wanted him home.

Then came the rain... life support.

I'd never have thought it would get this bad. bad to worse in a few days, my friends didn't know of these happenings, until now, a friend, not someone I was partically close to, just some I could trust I confided in. Turns out he's my boyfriend of over two years now :) Happiness was rising in dark times.

10th February 2009 - Sweet Sixteen
Dad came home, a suprise, the best i've ever had, he looks well, weak but well. He can walk now and he looks stronger.

13th February 2009 - Home sweet Home
My dad has been on quite a journey over the last few months after overcoming pneumonia, septicemia, bleeding into his adrenals and a heartattack. Doesn't seem much, but in reality, it was hell.


After reading my story your probably wondering why I've wrote you such a long essay. Closure, I've needed it after three years this coming winter. I've always found that blogging helps me heal. Well this is my story, its taught me not to wait around for your life, go chase it.

Love is why we do it love is worth the pain
Love is why we fall down, get back up again
Love is where the heart lies love is from above
Love is this, this is love

Party for One;

Stepping into a party is like entering another world. You have your tamed animals but also your vultures... andto the worst part- the outcome is unpredictable. It typical to find yourself 'biting your tongue' at certain individuals, whilst lashing out at those who don't deserve your air. And sometimes its those closest to you that fail to recognise when they've been walked over and it hurts to watch.

I've learnt you can only do so much before it out of control and it's in the person's hands. But, can we truly save our friends from making a big mistake, stand there watching them increase in faith when we know it will only end in tears? Truth is- we have to, its the sole way they'll learn. Yet it is arguable about it's cruelty but clearly they became apart of the mess we are left to clean after.

The worst isn't over when you know so much about everyone, especially knowing when someone is hurting. Watching them look at you and smile but knowing deep down they can't help but feel rejected- It makes me want to wake you up, drag you to reality and tell you she truly isn't interested. But here is someone thats willing to fight for you, would you do the same to her that someone is currently doing to you?

Something is worth to fight for.

souls are sold separately

Ever had the thought you influence the next step of your life? we want people to fight for us but what is worth fighting for? We run faster and faster until we're alone and the reason is because we're scared of what may happen whether its the next best thing or disrupts us. Truth is once in a while we all worry about what happens next, the future is unpredictable and can screw us over but thats no reason to dwell as we should live for now. Its time to stop believing what everyone else tells you because they are not you. You have the power of change and can explore the heights of the sky, the depth of the sea and the width of the universe. The choice is yours. People will always leave and they're best left in the past as they are not worth the valuable time you have because 70 years isn't forever, just enough time to breath.

somewhere a clock is ticking

Well 2009 has been unpredictable but thats surprising in so many forms that its changed my beliefs to understand that you cant choose the life you want to lead and its direction changes as the days do from monday to sunday- each to their own. still this can be positive. But if this meant each moment is a time bomb where do we draw the line not to be attached because losing everything means we're left with nothing, a mistake that has to be made in order to become a stronger person. The time bomb explodes each new year and usually depending on how we ended it effects how we start 2010 but karma doesnt last forever and one day you'll rise to the occassion and fly to make everything fall into place. Just like a puzzle, the last piece will find its own way eventually just like time fixes things, and as for the bomb there isnt one unless you make one. Dont let the little things get in the way of your dreams because people will still love you through the anger in their eyes because of what you did and the difference we made together.

After all, you only live once.

On this note I would just like to say;

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year

With Love

Victoria

xxx

My new year will be spent skiing in Austria and so whatever you do this new years make it special, you never know whats around the corner...

secrets are made to be found out in time

A picture speaks a thousand words until nothing is left unsaid. They tell us stories and remind us of what something or someone used to mean and if they was no photos we'll miss out on more than you'll ever know. We hold onto something forgotten making us miss our past and forgetting our future? They help us move on and take chances. Similar to old messages, these photographs are better left behind with the person you used to be no matter. Whoever you were people respect you for what you did whether you were well known or a shadow. For that reason, they'll always be apart of your past and surely they are grateful for that. Were all here for a reason, mostly to have affect on someones life which can shape theirs for a short or long period of time. However, we have been apart of each other therefore photos cannot lie unless a smile is hidden. A smile has no words cause it takes our breath away for one moment but when that moment has past we have nothing. It's bad enough life is constantly changing direction but it's even worse when someone leaves and gives up on you. We expand from the cocoon into beautiful butterflies free to live life the way we wish, respect the paths people take and let go so dreams can come true. I wont let go and I dont understand why you will...

The View From Here Is Breathtaking

There are ghosts in the eyes of all the boys you sent away...

I made a wish that weekend, just like you told me to and it was one moment which left me afraid more than ever. I turned and your eyes glistened like sapphires, they glittered and glowed just like angels. I closed my eyes in hope you could hear my whispering wish but the touch of your hand had a burning sensation which flooded a river of escasty through every inch of my suffering body and then it was complete. I never thought it would feel like this and it was then my mind wandered into a black hole full of revelations that without his presense her life began to crumble and the dark days of which layed ahead looked bleaker than death itself. His heartbreaking smile torched my lungs as they lacked for air, and so their his dark shadow stood below the pouring rain catching every kiss I vowed never to forget. It was then I knew this was meant to be- forever and almost always

I'll never forget last weekend; i love you tom hill :)

Even Fairy Tale Characters Would Be Jealous

They say love is blind but someone special proved me wrong, but the term friendships are blind is something im willing to believe. Friends are suppose to be elements of fate its how we bond and grow into something much stronger than nature. Theres a time and place where we fear isolation from the people we love most, Im guessing its just one of those days. However, days turn into weeks and the gap between people takes its toll. So friendships are blind due to consequences that follow, the break down of trust to the clash between separate personalities, in conclusion nothing makes sense no more, there are no answers- I guess its life and its flaws that follow. God gave us angels so they could be apart of our lives and protect us, eventually this fades and only becomes apart of our memories. That isnt enough for this girl, so tonights the night the world begins again